As I stare at the bank canvas again my head is swirling with fractional ideas. Like that vortex of images you get right before you float off the edge of semi consciousness into dreamland. (Maybe I’m the only one who gets that.) I have always been a very visual person. If I don’t make a picture in my head the moment you share a bit of information with me; anything from your name to… ya anything, it’s forever lost only moments later.
I’ve just been reading blogs, http://k8edid.wordpress.com had me had me making less than ladylike noises through my nose and once had me in tears. This unfortunately lead to more of a sense of foreboding about looking at this blank screen again. She is a very captivating writer! There goes that mean little shit that has apparently rooted into my shoulder with his chin resting in my ear. He’s so close I can hear his thoughts; “Don’t link to her… What if she reads YOUR blog?!” “You won’t be able to stay on topic” He’s so annoying!
That being said it’s time to eat a couple thousand milligrams of ibuprofen, don my immobilizing wrist guard, get out of my own way and just let my thoughts flow for a bit.
I’m frustrated by:
- -My job search
- -My inability to focus on my business plan for next spring/summer’s ideas
- -Constant pain in my wrists, tingling in my hands and quickly advancing nerve damage from carpal tunnel syndrome (At least I’m praying that’s what it is!)
- -Having to avoid every single craft I enjoy so much because of pain
I’m annoyed by:
- -people who incessantly misspell words on facebook, it HAS a spell check feature!!!
I’m grateful for:
- -lifelong friendships
- -the love in my life from my immediate family and from those family members who 10years ago I would have sworn didn’t care if I lived or died
- -my relationship with my daughter, closer than ever with lots of room for improvement
- -the roof over my head, food (healthy) food on the table etc etc
- -the location of my home, close enough to the city to be anywhere in 10 minutes but far enough out to have utter silence if I choose
- -a man (to whom I’ve given every piece of me, emotionally and spiritually) who rolls over in the middle of the night to whisper in my ear “I love you”
- -my work in the personal growth field and in connection to that the number of people I have all over the world who are willing to support me if I need it
- -fantastic writers and story tellers who engage my brain and leave me thinking of their worlds when I’m away from my books
- -my alone time
- -my life experience
- -my incredible relationship with my grandmother before she passed. Being able to tell her how much I loved and appreciated her with raw emotion, knowing she may not be there next time I pick up the phone
- -so many experiences, thoughts and feelings I have a difficult time choosing which one to write about. (OK now I’m stretching)