As part of my entrance into the blogging world I’ve been reading and subscribing to other bloggers. There are so many witty people out there with hilarious and thought provoking insights http://mostlybrightideas.wordpress.com/2011/05/31/retouching-the-big-picture/ , fantastic craft ideas http://justsomethingimade.com/2009/11/repost-the-thanksgiving-journal/ , wonderful recipes http://chefandsteward.com/2011/03/04/spicy-tuna-fritters/ and they all seem to be effortless. I’m beginning to think that maybe I shouldn’t be reading other’s blogs at all. While they are contemplating the size and future of our sun or the weight of clouds, I’m dancing around my own imagination wondering if raisins are dehydrated grapes, why don’t raisins soaked in water turn back into grapes?
I used to plague my grandmother with questions like: if prunes are dried out plums, how do you make prune juice? How come that man doesn’t have a butt at all, it’s like his back just splits and becomes legs? How did those two beautiful people make such an ugly baby? How come your bra made those huge ditches in your shoulders? Among many childish observations: Once while sitting behind her, I shared with her that she was the shape of a Dairy Queen ice cream cone. That was one of the times I remember she was not amused or thoughtful in her response. To this day I call those rolls on ones back “ice cream”. She was always (except for the ice cream incident) wonderful about helping me think through the process of my questions and find the right place to look for the answers. I might be a nuclear physicist now if the internet had existed when I was showering her with these questions. Back then I was told to look it up in the 1960’s encyclopedia for the answers and if “You don’t find the answers there I’ll take you to the library”. In the beginning I believe she thought this would make me go away and stop asking questions. Needless to say the answers were not in the 15 year old encyclopedias I was searching in but looking there never failed to bring up 15 or 20 new perplexing questions. I’m not sure I ever saw the inside of the public library when I was a child. My grandmother was an incredibly patient woman but I think that may have sent her over the edge. I could have been one of those children dropped off at the orphanage with a note pinned to my shirt.
At nearly 40, my brain is still swirling with these questions! Do bald people get dandruff? What does PU stand for? (As in PU that stinks!) Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David? In the song Yankee Doodle is he calling the horse or the feather ‘Macaroni’? Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? If a transvestite goes missing do they put the missing ad on a carton of half and half? Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons? How come sheep don’t shrink when it rains? TV Shows always create a million questions for me. When the BAU on on Criminal Minds travels all over the country (“Wheels up, one hour!”) how come they are always driving the exact same Suburbans?