Just settling in to me. Well, that was one hell of a typo, I meant to say I’m just settling into my new place but ME works better.
On Sunday, I hired a mover to come get the things I couldn’t carry by myself or fit into the van I was using to move my boxes. $100 later, I’m feeling much more like this place is home. Familiar candle smells and my stuff.
It’s weird how comforting that actually is. When I rented this place it was listed as partially furnished. I had the movers, one of which was an absolutely beautiful man who is very much in love with his live in girlfriend (sigh). Anyway, they moved almost all of the “furnished” pieces out to a shed in the backyard. Then in with – Oh yes.. My stuff! One maybe two more trips with the van and my plastic moving bins to the other place, should have me out completely.
He seems to be very happy with the change, based on what he’s allowed me to see anyway. He reactivated his internet dating profile before I had even moved out and he’s dating quite a bit. I’m both relieved and pissed off about this. I’m a woman, I’m allowed to be both.. simultaneously. Relieved, because there will be no 3am “I miss you” text messages and no passing a window in my place and seeing him standing outside in the dark, watching me. Lord knows, I’ve dealt with enough of that kind of break up.
The pissed off part comes in when I think about the amount of energy and time I invested into figuring out new ways to make it work. Assess, re-approach, love, assess, cry, beg, assess, get mad, cry, love, cry, assess, pray, study, dig, cry, fuck that’s frustrating! However, I can walk away with my head held high, knowing I gave it everything. I beat the horse until it was a puddle of glue after I drown it in the water it refused to drink. There was absolutely nothing more I could do. Nothing, none, zippo, zilch, nothing left up my sleeve and no rabbit in my hat.
Why couldn’t he have just said something months ago? Maybe because I was paying all the bills. Perhaps! I’m not here to bash him, he’s not a bad person. He’s just not the person I’m supposed to be with. What we had was absolutely mind-blowingly amazing and then it wasn’t.
Now what? Seriously, now what? There’s a community centre a few blocks from my place, I’ll be activating a membership there tomorrow. The general idea is to get my nether regions back into a condition which I would be excited to share with a new man-friend *wink-wink*. If I only end up going there out of boredom or to work off a frustrating day then it will still be worth it and it’s better than sitting here sad or upset. The new man-friend will just have to wait until I’m ready for the reveal, and until I find a man-friend worthy of a romp. haha
Friends, exploring the Province – alone or not, volunteer work, dance classes. Ohhh dance classes! I’ve ALWAYS wanted to take dance classes! Gym first if I’m too out of shape to walk a block without feeling it, dancing will have me under a knee surgeon’s knife again. I shall work up to the dance class, perhaps my man-friend will be waiting there for me.
Baby steps for me, about me and by me. I have no idea where they lead but I’m ready for the next adventure.