The last year has been very much about growth and self discovery for me. Meeting P and moving back into an environment of personal growth has opened new doors and brought me to a place to clear some old emotional crap. I tend to carry my stress (and my baggage) on my neck and shoulders. This results in perpetual muscle knots, tightness in my neck and shoulder muscles and painful upper back injuries – imagine carrying a 100 pound invisible backpack.
My backpack isn’t empty yet but it sure is lighter.
I’ve discovered that when I am emotionally and physically drained, I lose faith. Faith that I am looked after and safe, faith that I am good enough and strong enough to “make it”. I’ve had an interesting life to say the least, followed my heart down a lot of bumpy roads and some into wildly wonderful adventures. I’ve been the worker bee and the low man on the totem pole, being taken advantage of by management (because I let them), I’ve been the business owner, I’ve been the builder, the idea man and the assistant, the leader and the follower, I’ve earned a million dollars in a few months and I’ve lived in my car. Never in all of that have I ever been hungry. When I need, that need is met. Yet I have moments of fear, I have moments of doubt when I want to freeze up and not move. I’ve just left my job to allow time for starting my own business again. My ideas, my way. On one hand, I’m looking forward to fully reaping the rewards of my own hard work and on the other in the quiet dark moments, I’m fearful. Will I make it? Will I fail (again)?
Photo credit to: http://zindy.deviantart.com/art/Such-Despair-24469261
As I set off again to build (rebuild my confidence) and create success for myself and others, I know I will be protected, I know I will be cared for and I know I will be safe. While some may see, in reading this, that I may be referring to God as my protector that isn’t necessarily what I mean. I believe in a higher power, I do not follow organized religion. It is my choice, I follow what resonates with my soul, what feels right in my gut. I know that angels walk with me and I am guided.