Dear SOB!

I changed my life for us. I moved away from my friends, my career, my home and my life to be with you. I chose to leave everything behind for you, to accommodate your needs and put mine on the back burner.

The signs of who you really were on the inside were there all along. I missed them, I wore blinders because I thought I had found something that was so different than what I had experienced before. Turns out that was true, just not in the way I hoped. I ignored all the signs that I made a mistake. Our first fight almost ended it… It was over the television. We weren’t even living together yet.

I lost custody of my daughter as a result of the cross country move. You told me after a few days of watching me mourn, to get out of bed and get back to work, move on with my life. If she didn’t want to be there then let her go.

I went on a soul searching solo road trip. I visited my daughter , my step-daughter and my friends. I camped, fished and spent time alone. You told me I was selfish for spending my money on something like that.

I moved out of my country for you, you said you needed help with your kids. You asked me to marry you, I knew it was partially because you didn’t want me to move back home. My visa was about to expire. I hoped some of the reason was because you loved me and your hesitation was that you were just scared because your first wife cheated on you. Turns out those weren’t the reasons at all.

The DAY I found out my daughter had been diagnosed with cancer you announced you wanted a divorce. Barely one year after we were married. I was sobbing and you wanted to divorce me because the room in the basement hadn’t rented. You told me we couldn’t afford for me to fly to be with her even for her first chemo treatment. When my friends stepped up and paid for my plane ticket so I could go, you complained that I was taking unpaid time off from work and they might fire me because I hadn’t been there very long. You said I wasn’t being responsible.

Three days later, when I showed up late to help you unload your truck for a show, you yelled at me for trying to cheat you out of the money you were going to be making there. You didn’t notice my eyes were swollen from crying so I told you I stopped on the side of the road to cry. When you questioned me about why, I had to remind you about the cancer diagnosis. You forgot…

When Conner was born, the only thing you said to me as I was racing out the door to get to the airport was “who is going to pay for this?”. When I came home six days later, physically and emotionally exhausted from the death of my grandson, you said, “You’ve ruined Christmas for my kids.”

When I was unable to find work in my previous field, I took the jobs I was offered and worked my ass off for a fraction of what I’m worth. You said, “You had a lot of money when I met you in 2006. Now look at you! You ran your business into the ground, I’m in a relationship with you based on false advertisement!” “I never should have left my girlfriend for you, she had good credit and a house. I don’t feel safe with you. You were supposed to come here and take care of me.” You said I conned you.

After a 6 year relationship, 3 years of marriage, various arguments and other glaring evidence you are a narcissistic asshole who wanted a maid, a nanny and a sugar-momma that you didn’t have to fuck, I told you I wanted a divorce. You pretended not to hear me and walked away. I told you I was taking the next morning off to go find a place to live, you pretended not to hear me. When I came home with new house keys and boxes, all you said to me was, “Who’s going to pay my rent?” You probably don’t remember this but I FUCKING PAID IT FOR THE MONTH AFTER I MOVED OUT!!

Two years later you called me wanting money because I ran up your credit cards. I calculated every cent of the money that was spent on your credit during our marriage and offered you $2,500, half. You said it wasn’t enough. You said I needed to start making payments on your credit card and we could negotiate a total later. You said I needed to take responsibility.

Within the next two weeks, nearly ten years after we met – my divorce from you will be final. Taking responsibility is exactly what I have done.

I wish to thank you for relentlessly showing me that I deserve better. Thank you for teaching me that when I want to punish myself there are others who are eager to assist me. I release you with love and light and forgiveness. I wish you happiness.

 

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